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Dads
Matter:
Principles, Lessons, & Stories
of the Remarkable Impact of Fathers
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I
welcome your contribution to
my next book,
on dads and daughters.
From dads, what worked and what didn't in raising daughters?
From daughters, how did your relationship with your dad (or lack thereof)
affect you as a teenager and as an adult? How did it affect your career,
your relationships with men, and your selection of a mate?
Do you have a story to share?
Just e-mail it to me and
I'll be in touch.
About
the Book
Dads Matter aims to:
- Illustrate
the powerful influence dads have on their kids and their families,
whether Dad is awesome, absent, or anything in between
- Provide principles
for being a dad
- Inspire fathers
to step up and be dads
- Assist people
in moving past their issues with their dads
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The
Issues
In every seminar I have led, I have encountered people—not
just a few, but the majority—who have had big issues with
their fathers.
I clearly remember one woman. The trainees had just completed an
exercise in which they were to solve a simple puzzle. When I asked
her what she had been thinking while working on it, she told me
she had been feeling stupid. I asked her a simple question: “Who
was the first person to call you stupid?”
Tears welled up and her chin began to quiver. She was doing all
she could to keep her feelings in check. When she answered, “Dad,”
the tears started to flow.
Time and time again I’ve encountered the same thing; people
carry a lot of hidden baggage about their dads.
When I worked almost exclusively with teens, the issues were quite
pronounced. But then I started to notice all the other people I
knew who had dad issues—including myself. I also encountered
a number of men who were enduring significant challenges: Several
had children with serious handicaps. Some men’s kids had committed
suicide. One dad has a son on death row. And all along, as I was
hearing these stories, I was also seeing dads portrayed in the media
as either bumbling doofuses or irrelevant to their families.
In this book I’ll show what it takes to be a dad, and I’ll
illustrate the impact they have on their kids. I’ll do this
by providing some principles and lessons, but the majority of the
book will consist of personal stories illustrating them.
Chapters
Include:
Chapter 1: Are
Dads Really Needed?
Chapter 2: Dads Really Do Matter
Chapter 3: The Seminars and the Program
Chapter 4: What Kind of Dad Do You Want to Be?
Chapter 5: Actually Be There
Chapter 6: Be Available
Chapter 7: It's the Small Stuff
Chapter 8: Teach Them Something
Chapter 9: Teach Your Children about the World
Chapter 10: Values
Chapter 11: Communication
Chapter 12: Dad and Sports
Chapter 13: Eight Damaging Things Dads Say to Their Kids/Five Things
Your Children Want to Hear from You
Chapter 14: Forgiveness
Chapter 15: When Tragedy Strikes
Chapter 16: My Dad and Me
Acknowledgments
In Dads Matter
I included a brief acknowledgements page. Here is a much more
detailed acknowledgement.
In chapter 3, The Seminars and the Program, I mentioned Premier
Educational Seminars as the provider of the seminars that my family
and I attended and what an impact these seminars had on my life.
The man behind Premier is David Gilcrease. David not only founded
Premier; he also started Resource Realizations, Inc., and designed
the entire seminar system.
The first few times I saw David, I thought he was a big, mean, gruff
man. But once I got to know him I found that he was caring, generous,
and loyal. He even admitted he was loyal to a fault. During my first
trainings David pushed me to go beyond my self-imposed limitations.
He wasn’t the least bit afraid to tell it like it was. Yet
he saw something in me that I couldn’t see yet. I was very
surprised and excited when he offered me a job as a facilitator
for teen seminars. It took over a year for everything to fall into
place but when I started to work for David, he opened himself and
his home to me. I became a part of his unofficial family as the
“good son” because I seemed to get my reports done in
a timely manner.
During my time living at David’s house he was more than generous,
not charging me rent, and paying for untold meals and accommodations.
All I had to do was keep the kitchen counter and sinks clean, close
the dryer door, and keep the refrigerator in order. When I struggled
in the first few months, David always seemed to know when to call
me, even if we were time zones apart.
After two and a half years, the workload decreased to an extent
that he couldn’t give me any more work. I could tell he was
struggling. He wanted me to be able to work but the workload just
wasn’t there; we both knew it. Even after I stopped working
for David he continued to support and encourage me. I am greatly
indebted to David for everything he has done for me.
The other facilitator who helped me immensely is Barbara Fagan.
Early on, Barbara took a liking to me but that didn’t stop
her from constantly challenging me. I probably worked with Barbara
more than any other facilitator. Like David, Barbara saw something
in me that I wasn’t willing to see. She gave me feedback,
coaching, and advice, and she even yelled at me a time or two. But
behind everything was Barbara’s desire to have me break my
self-imposed limits and be a powerful force.
Other facilitators who influenced me were Duane Smotherman, Joyce
Christi, and Lou Dozier. Like David and Barbara, these three are
extremely powerful people who are working hard to positively influence
others and make a positive difference through their work. I will
always cherish memories of the help they provided.
Jan Presley and Ruth Hensley were fabulous when they trained me
in my early days as a facilitator. These women must be something
to have worked in the same room with me for fourteen hours a day
over a two-week period, as I don’t think we ever argued or
got on each other’s nerves. Jan combined being tough on the
teens with being extremely empathetic. She also started a nonprofit,
FreeHugs4Us.org,
dedicated to providing workshops and seminars to those who cannot
afford such events. Ruth is thorough and has always worked to improve.
She now works to empower other women through her company, My Life
by Design.
Shane English also helped train me; he was also my roommate—my
“little brother”—and in so many ways my opposite.
He would go to bed in the wee hours of the morning just an hour
or two before I got up. He could be extremely intense but like all
the other facilitators, he worked to create a better world by empowering
others. I really enjoyed our time together.
During my time in Utah, Nikko Litrus took care of me like family.
Sure, she made some fabulous meals for Shane and me, but she was
also our biggest supporter. Like David Gilcrease, she was incredibly
generous to me. While she enjoyed my company, she knew I needed
to get back home to my family.
Before I leave the Premier family I’ve got to thank Carol
Watson and Val Compton in the home office. Besides taking care of
so much for me while I was out traveling, they both are always so
happy to see me and make me feel special.
Addition to the Acknowledgments
In this section I want to thank the women who assisted me with the
technical aspects of the book. It started with Sheridan McCarthy
of Meadowlark Publishing Services. Sheridan was the first professional
I met in the writing and editing field. She gave me a reality check
on what it takes to write and publish a book. I didn’t want
to hear or believe what she told me, but she was right on with her
assessments. Sheridan helped me put together an early brochure on
Dads Matter. She also used a personal photo of Keith, Jesse,
and me that I eventually used on the book cover. Sheridan currently
takes care of my website updates and marketing material.
Kelly Sandstrom of Workshops for Women referred me to Jennifer Omner
of All Publications. Jennifer not only designed the covers and interior
pages of Dads Matter but she also did some editing and schooled
me on publishing the book. She continues to help me with referrals
in marketing Dads Matter. Jennifer referred me to The Mighty
Pen, who did the editing for Dads Matter. Charity, Alissa,
and Nancy not only did the copyediting but they also were instrumental
in creating the flow and tone of Dads Matter. I really
appreciate Nancy efforts in getting me past my resistance to creating
a bibliography. All of these women continue to be some of my biggest
fans.
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